Post Election Grief – How to Heal

Post Election Grief – How to Heal

Be glad, rejoice in the Lord your God, for he has given you the autumn rains because God is faithful. God sends abundant showers, both autumn and spring rains, as before. Joel 2:23 NIV

Great verse for Singing in the Rain but I’m not in the mood. I wish I was because it is definitely raining and my heart is drowning in a post-election shower.

And Facebook confirms I’m not alone. There are many walking wounded on both sides who have been beaten or bruised by this election and are lashing out at one another. However let’s apply a few basic rules we learned in preschool:

  • If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything
  • Treat others the way you wish to be treated

We all have friends rejoicing over the election, reaching out to us to say “everything will be okay” and “God is in control” because my candidate won.

Here are a few tips to our friends who are trying to help. Be careful. You do not have the authority to speak for God about suffering; or understand it. And it doesn’t help.

Relax:  The election is over. This isn’t the time to post all the reasons you voted for your candidate. Don’t be defensive because we don’t support your candidate. And an important tip to my white friends, it is not helpful or compassionate or even biblically sound to post on the wall of a friend of color that you are not racist, you simply voted for your faith. Yes, I’ve seen several of these posts since last night.

Everyone who experiences loss goes through the stages of grief identified by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, M.D:

  • Denial
  • Anger
  • Bargaining
  • Depression

Unfortunately these stages don’t work like a checklist, their order and timing is all messed up just like our divided Country. Your friend is grieving and hurt. Remember when we weep, God weeps.

You don’t need to say anything, just be present, tell them you love them and let you know if they need anything.

Grieving people are rarely looking to join a bible study, nor do they appreciate being hit with scripture or reminded of their blessings or to have their feelings minimized; they want comfort.  They want to know someone understands they are hurt. Just say OUCH!

Pray for and with us – “God be with my sister, hold her, love her and give her your grace. Bless our Country. Amen”

Telling someone who feels like they fell in quick sand that everything will be OK doesn’t help.  Stay in the moment, leave the future planning to God. Pray God speaks directly to them, that they will feel the Holy Spirit comforting them.

To my fellow grievers, time is the most important factor in surviving the emotional roller coaster of grief. And this is what I’m trying to remeber me during this time:

Like this post, I write out my hopes, dreams and fears in words or pictures.

I allow myself to grieve.  Crying is healthy. I cried myself to sleep and woke up crying. It’s not the first time nor will it be the last.  I left all those toxins on my pillow.

I’m trying to accept the reality that while I’m grieving, my friends are rejoicing. Let them rejoice.  You don’t have to unfriend them, just unfollow or suspend notifications for a while. It’s important to acknowledge how difficult your loss is, it’s equally important to accept other people have an alternate reality. Which is obviously the hard part which leads to the next phase in our lives with any hope of meeting in the middle.

I’m trying not to beat myself or anyone else up. Believe it or not this is my perfectionist default unhealthy response. It’s easy to start criticizing or blaming myself and looking for what I could have done different so I won’t repeat my mistakes without realizing I’m caught in the biggest mistake of wallowing in blame and guilt.

Self-confidence needs to be intact to heal and cope. Challenge every negative thought that goes through your head. Focus on the positive.

Taking refuge in your “cave” may give temporary comfort, but is little help if your time spent there is not constructive. Surrounding yourself with positive, supportive family and friends may better help your self-esteem. I am very thankful for my family and thankful they know how to comfort someone who is grieving.

Taking action will help you feel more in control of your situation — I’m not sure what that action is but believe it will become clear. Simple words of sympathy and encouragement can be a huge boost in this difficult time.

Turn to people you trust for support

Share what you’re going through with the people you love and trust. Ask for the support you need. Don’t try to shoulder the stress alone. Your natural reaction may be to withdraw out of embarrassment and shame or to resist asking for help out of pride. But avoid the tendency to isolate. You will only feel worse.

And this is the end of my grown up moment. Love you all, even if we disagree.

Election Day Prayer – Confirm Our Election

Election Day Prayer – Confirm Our Election

Growl for Justice

Heavenly Mother,

We cry out for your nurturing grace and peace in abundance.

We don’t just want to know you, we need you and Jesus our Lord.

Confirm our calling and Election.

Help us escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.

Add to my faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge;and to knowledge, self-control;and to self-control, perseverance;and to perseverance, godliness;and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, LOVE.

I am nearsighted and blind. I forget I have been cleansed from past sins.
And you can use my weaknesses for your glory.

Brothers and sisters, let’smake every effort to confirm our callingand election.

Let your light shine so we will never stumble,and will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Wrap us in your grace, mercy and peace, be with us in truth and love.

Confirm our calling…

View original post 15 more words

Nope. My Vagina’s Votin’ – Not a Gender Vote

Nope. My Vagina’s Votin’ – Not a Gender Vote

Growl for Justice

Facebook is such a happy place during elections.  All the happy vacation photos turn to political rants that no one has the courage to express anywhere but Facebook.

The past few days has been gruesome with several male Facebook friends boldly posting how sad they are that a lot of women are voting their “gender”, not their convictions and not based on knowledge about who each candidate is today.

Does this mean men have voted with their penis since 1788? Is their gender voting for Trump? I wish elimg_20161108_100713ections were more like soccer matches where I could throw up a card to declare foul for the layers of sexist assumptions in their concerns but of course this would simply further the divide.

And since many of these posts end with a request to unfriend them if the reader is voting for Hillary, it is clear they are not seeking a…

View original post 991 more words

Is Hillary a Sheep or a Goat? Vote to Find Out

Is Hillary a Sheep or a Goat? Vote to Find Out

This election is like two opposing Christian families facing off.  There is so much fighting, bickering and meanness.

When I go into the voting booth I use Matthew 25:31-46 to vote for the person I believe is more likely a sheep than a goat.

In otherwords, the candidate most likely to care for their neighbors. Which 2016 candidate do you think will feed, clothe, visit and care for Jesus?

I’m interested in knowing which 2016 presidential candidate you think is more of a sheep and which is more of a goat, and will that make a difference when you go into the voting booth?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jesus commanded us to love our neighbor.  We are called to feed, clothe, visit and care for Jesus in our homes, churches and yes even at the polls.  Please vote!

How Can You Vote For HER?

My Unexpected Pastor Hubby takes us into the voting booth with him for a brave and probably unpopular witness.

I am very proud to share this post

The Unexpected Pastor

Vote! from Flickr via Wylio © 2005 hjl, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

NOTE: I write this is as my own opinion, not on behalf of any church or denomination. The link to this blog from my church’s website has been removed until after the election to alleviate any confusion. While pastors are not permitted to endorse candidates “from the pulpit,” there is no legal or other impediment to ordained ministers stating their personal views on political or any other matters. In fact, I am called to live out my faith publicly, which I will do in this post . . . .

Somebody asked me how I, a Christian and a pastor, could vote for Hillary Clinton. Here’s my answer. I don’t post this with the quixotic hope it will change anyone’s mind. I want to do what I always do on this blog; to show how faith impacts real life. I also hope…

View original post 1,370 more words

5 Prayers to Election Day: Freedom Ordained

Growl for Justice

Adonai ,

Praise awaits you, our God,
to you our promises are fulfilled.
You answer prayer.

You ordained our freedom.

We come to you.

When we are overwhelmed by sins,
you forgive us.

Blessed are those you choose
and bring to live with you.

Your hope reaches the ends of the earth
and the farthest seas.
You formed the mountains by your power.

You are armed with strength.
You still the roaring seas,
the roaring waves,
and the turmoil of the nations.

You inspire songs of joy.

You care for the land and water it;
you enrich it abundantly.
You fill our streams with water
you provide grain,
for so you ordained.

You ordained the freedom of your land, and
your people.

You drench our land with soft showers
and bless its crops.

Crown our year with your abundant grace.
Clothe us with your gladness.

Give us reason to shout for joy and…

View original post 4 more words