Ouch! Painful Truth

Ouch!  Most of us were born equipped with the ability to scream out for help. We weren’t taught to say Ouch!  We just did. It was a normal natural sound to tell those who cared about us that we needed help. Right?

Our love letter (Bible) repeatedly tells us to cry out to God when we are hurt; no problem is too small for God.   God is never too busy to listen or answer our prayers.  God has an infinite amount of time to spend with each of us.  God loves us for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from before time to this day forward until death when nothing will keep us apart.

If we’re not wired to withhold, then why is it so difficult to express our pain? Proverbs asks “when will we wake up”. It implies that if we are hit and claim it doesn’t hurt, we must be drunk, something must be numbing the pain.

“They hit me,”  you will say, “but I’m not hurt! They beat me, but I don’t feel it! When will I wake up…” Proverbs 23:29-35

During our journey for the greatest truth, LOVE, we are called to make an honest assessment of unhealthy attitudes, beliefs and habits (sin) blocking our path. The Holy Spirit is trying to lovingly shake us; to wake us up.

Rachel Held Evans  shared on her blog that the #2 reason she left the church was “because when we talked about sin, we mostly talked about sex”.  Sex is  not a sin, adultery is a sin, not the unforgivable sin, it is not blaspheming the Holy Spirit.

While some of us may struggle with issues of sex; all of us value but struggle with honesty.  If we say we don’t we are lying. Sin in its most simplest form is lying; to God, our neighbor or ourselves.

God is Truth.  Satan is the great deceiver. Satan deceived Eve, the Pharisees, the Sadducees, you, me…. Satan wants us to lie.  Satan rejoices when we lie.

God wants a relationship with me.  He wants me to love my sisters. Satan wants to build a wall (sin=lies) between us.  God wants me to cry out for help. Satan wants me to believe (lie to myself) that I’m OK,  I don’t need help (God/sisters), I’m not broken, I’m a good (lie) person…

So as we begin this journey let’s dispel one of the very first lies we’re taught as children-“you’re OK, you’re not hurt, shake it off, don’t let anyone know your hurt, don’t show weakness…”

One life lesson  I can boldly testify about is:

If I pretended it didn’t hurt

when someone was trying to hurt me,

they always hit me again-harder! 

This week I watched Glee with my daughter.  The episode was about domestic violence.  One of the biggest complaints about domestic violence victims is their failure to call out for help, or worse, their apparent pre-disposition to recant. Do DV victims really have a corner on denial and recanting?

This is not another domestic violence post.  This post is about being honest with ourselves and our sisters about our pain. It’s about re-learning how to say Ouch!

Want me to bring it home?  All the infighting among sisters in the church. Have you ever worked really hard on a project and encountered these bee…utiful sisters:

  • Dreamer: Lots of ideas, no help!
  • The Fan: Lots of compliments,no HELP!
  • Exploder:  Explodes/ goes ballistic -No Help!
  • Helpless: Feels too inadequate to help- can’t help.
  • Complainer: They hate every decision but won’t quit!
  • Sniper: They pop by to swoop in to bite you or sabotage the project.
  • Kill Joy:  “It would have been nice if…”

I’m sure all of us can come up with more.  And if we can be honest with ourselves, we may have played these roles deliberately  or subconsciously at some point during our time on earth.  Have you ever found yourself saying or even thinking,”Doesn’t look like she’s so perfect after all!”

We could put all the responsibility on the ‘real’ sinner, make pledges to stop hurting one another and end this post here but we’re in search for truth. Who is the ‘real’ sinner? In truth, most of us are taught, denial,  to “take the higher ground, don’t let them bother you…”  How many times have you said or heard a badgered sister say,”they don’t bother me, I don’t care what they think…” And the nasty girl defends her behavior, “Ms. Perfect is controlling. Its her way or no way. I’d like to be involved but she won’t let me. I have ideas too. You can’t hurt her.  She probably doesn’t even know I exist…”  Even when our bodies scream out frustration, we recant with our words. And what happens?

We resolve ourselves to avoid that sister, pray harder, care less… Does everything magically get better? No! Can you see the walls of hurt?

We can’t move.  We’re suppose to run and win the race together.  Acts 20:24 “My only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me —the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace” How do we do that? We start by being honest.  We start by sharing our weaknesses, we start by saying Ouch!

How to respond? “I’m sorry.  Will you forgive me?”

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8 thoughts on “Ouch! Painful Truth

  1. This gives me a lot to think about and to evaluate within myself. Thank you for taking the time it put into words.

  2. Unfortunately, life is full of competition. It’s ok to be competitive as long as you can handle the humility of defeat. It’s a lot easier with age. At this point who really cares anyway, I do! I did get my first hit of the softball season after #? at bats. I strive to do my best and what I believe God wants me to do and be. He has given me all that I have and it is my responsibility to use that for his good. When we hired a new pastor and I met his wife I realized that she is one bold woman. Then I was told that I had met my match. I think that was a compliment! Bold woman strong in their faith and sin boldly! Anyway, what someone else thought would be a competition became another sister of Christ whom I love!

    • I definetely see it as a compliment. I’d love to have 1/2 your energy, but since I don’t I feel very blessed to have the priviledge to watch you work. I love your boldness. You are bee…utiful. Please tell me if I ever wack you up side the head with the big plank stuck in my eye 🙂 I move around a lot so I’m bound to get you once or twice lol.

    • I’m not very competitive. I wish I wouldn’t back away from competition. I hear competition can be healthy but it always feels like conflict; and I hate conflict. Conflict can also be very healthy because it deepens relationships. But I still don’t like it.

      My issue is that I have more opinions than I know what to do with; and I boldly speak what I shouldn’t. I pray I stop having mean/nasty thoughts and more importantly when I do have them, I pray I’d boldly keep those nasty thoughts to myself. I also pray that when I do speak these nasty thoughts my sisters will boldly scream Ouch! to give me the opportunity to live in Truth and Love with my sisters.

  3. I’m not very competitive either and also dislike conflict. Sometimes it’s even hard for me to speak honestly because it feels too assertive/aggressive. Often if I do speak up about something, I agonize later over what I have said and how it may have affected the hearer(s). This definitely makes me less bold than some of my bee…utiful sisters. I often marvel at how boldly/confidently others can speak.

    I like the idea of sharing our weaknesses and saying ouch. With a preschooler in the house, we get a lot of practice with, “I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?” It’s good to practice outside the house also!

  4. Pingback: Shed Pounds, Pain and Issues « Sisters of Christ

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