All About Me

Focus. Who should be the focus or object of my love? Is it God, my neighbor… does God want me to focus on me? It sounds counter intuitive; selfish.  It can’t possibly be about me.  How many times have you heard or said to someone “Its not all about you.”

Never focus on yourself. Good Christian women do not focus on themselves. God is relational.  Therefore, the right bible study answer is always God; we must first focus on God. Right!?

Jesus said so in Luke 10:27:

“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’ ; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ”

If Jesus is telling me to love God, then the action itself begins with me. If I was programmed to love automatically, unconditionally God and my neighbor, then Jesus wouldn’t command me to do it. Right? I just would.

I’m not a robot, I wasn’t programmed to automatically love God. I’m free to love or hate whoever I want; regardless of the consequences.  It would be easier if I was programmed to do the right thing. But I’m not.

I’m impulsive.  I often skip steps I think are irrelevant or will slow me down, only to find myself retracing my steps to complete the most basic and simple step that I decided to leap over because I thought it was fun to skip, I was distracted or in just too much of a hurry.  Of course after I’ve skipped a few steps, I have a faulty foundation which I have to go back to reinforce. Obviously I would have saved time if I took time to complete all the steps the first time.  My inability to remain focused is usually the root of my downfall.

And the most basic step I tend to forget is that it is about me.  I have a choice. God requires me to make a daily choice and take responsibility for my choices. When I skip  this step, and I usually do, I get myself into a heap of trouble when I focus on or blindly cast my will to other people; even God. Yes, even God. The same stupid brick wall I’ve crashed into a million times is not far away when I allow Satan to fool myself into believing that I’ve totally given my will over to God, believing I have an auto pilot policy, I can friend God on Facebook, I’m covered for life, no further action is needed from me. If I’m lucky, I may listen for a moment and be inspired to look in my rear view mirror to see Jesus with his jogging shoes trying to keep up with me. But, shortly after…CRASH! I get up, turn back to God and start yelling.  “Hey! Whatya do that for?  Thought we had an agreement.”  Like Adam, I blame God for putting the wall there, I blame God for my sins and I blame God for not stopping me from running into the wall (again); and it takes me quite awhile before I recognize that if I turned around to yell at God, I’d lost focus.

I’m not even pleasant when I don’t crash; I pull over to allow Jesus who I left at home or wherever else who has been running behind me for however long.  I’m irritated.  I don’t take responsibility for failing to ask Him to join me, I don’t take responsibility for leaving Him behind and I’m always complaining He’s too slow. I blame Him for making me late. Just imagine what I’d say if Jesus said he’s afraid to get in the car because I’m acting scary; or demanded a please.

So if I can’t get it right with God, how will I ever get it right with my sisters?

The two most abusive people in my life were my mother and my biological sister. Love? The greatest truth?  What do I know about truth?  I’ve been keeping secrets my entire life.  I couldn’t air our dirty laundry. My parents would have beat me silly.

I don’t think love is as simple or as natural as its portrayed in  Hallmark  commercials.  Love must be learned, it must be experienced, otherwise why would the Bible have so many instructions, chapters, books and verses about love.

Jesus commanded me to love my sisters as myself.  Therefore, I must learn how to fully love myself.  It’s not a sin, it’s a command.  God first loved me.  He sent His only son to die for my sins.  He wants me to have eternal life. John 3:16

The good news is that I don’t have to retrace my steps to find God;  God wrote me a love letter to learn how to love; Jesus doesn’t stay wherever  I left Him; when I was baptized the Holy Spirit came to dwell within me, and just by calling out his name, my Lord answers me.

Get behind me Satan-It is all about me!

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Why is is important for women to learn to love themselves?

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9 thoughts on “All About Me

  1. You are a survivor and a beautiful child of God despite your “loving” family. You had to love yourself. I’m guessing that’s where you found inner peace to carry on. God gave us the ability to love. Satan works against us to use that love inappropriately. As a woman and mother if I didn’t love myself and take care of myself my family wouldn’t have a loving home. We must stay strong with Christ while battling Satan. It’s never easy! Life is like a box of chocolates!

    • Thank you! I learned to love from God. Our Lord was always right there with me in my closet; holding me, crying with me, wiping my tears and promising a better future. I think the jury is still out about chocolates. My hips say they are from the devil, my mouth sings their praises. Forest Gump is an awesome movie about life & love.

  2. I was reading something in James last night (don’t have chapter and verse) about temptation leading to desire, desire leading to sin, and sin leading to death. It seems that if you don’t love yourself, then you are tempted to “fill” yourself with those temptations and desires. That sin/separation from God takes us even further from the women God created us to be. Even when we do love ourselves as the women God created, we still face temptation…so I haven’t really answered the question exactly. It just seems more possible to turn from temptation toward God when we know we are loved and can love ourselves and others in response.

  3. The idea really resonates with me that I believe that I am not to be focused on. Don’t be the center of attention – don’t expect anything of anyone – don’t be selfish – don’t be a burden. I work SO hard to be self sufficient. Be the best mother, wife, daughter, sister, boss, employee, etc that I can be. Always giving. Finding myself uncomfortable when I want or need something in return.

    It is important to step back, push through being uncomfortable and remember to forgive and love myself because if I don’t – Satan will surely be there with another item on my to do list, another person to show me what my mistakes are and another reason to withdraw from my relationships both with God and my family & friends. If I can’t love me for me, I’ll never believe that others really do, and I’ll never be open to God’s love for me.

  4. Pingback: Embracing Triangles « Sisters of Christ

  5. Pingback: All About Me « Sisters of Christ

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